Relationships without intimacy can lose their spark pretty quickly. Yet maintaining intimacy takes a great deal of personal commitment, beyond small talk and sexual pleasure. True intimacy in a relationship needs to be nurtured at a deeper level. Couples often fall into a rut after the initial phase of getting to know one another. People find that they know how the other person believes, feels, and acts. They’ve discussed everything from politics to favorite flavor of ice cream and back again, and feel that there isn’t really all that much to find out anymore. When a topic comes up, one partner may assume that he or she already knows what the other thinks of it.
As people, we are constantly experiencing new things and adapting to different situations. We don’t stay the same person forever, and so a relationship must be a continuous journey of discovery. For intimacy, it is not enough to get to know a person once and for all. Intimacy needs to be fed. For this, couples need to take deliberate action to preserve their intimacy and avoid becoming just roommates. One important thing is to set aside some time each week to really talk with no distractions. This time is not to talk about the bills, or who washed more dishes. This is time to sit down and enjoy each other. Sharing your thoughts and feelings, discusses things you’ve read or noticed, and just enjoying hearing what the other person has to say – these can help to maintain a strong sense of intimacy.
